There’s a man I visit in jail each Monday. I go and read the Christian Science Bible Lesson* to him. We usually have very little small talk, and he doesn’t tend to have anything he wants to discuss with me. I just come in and read the lesson, and he listens.
This Monday when I read the lesson, feeling how it might feel to him, it seemed, to me, the most tender message I could possibly deliver. It is a lesson that makes it very clear that we can be forgiven, and spells out how it happens, and how comprehensive a forgiveness it can be.
It’s not a thing I’ve thought about that often, not having committed a heinous crime - the tremendous hope that comes with the prospect of forgiveness, the tremendous lifting and redemption it can bring. But I thought of it this time as something that made all the difference - to me, to everyone I know and love, and to everyone I don’t yet know. Imagine being forgiven! - the slate wiped clean from all the things that niggle as regrets - times I’ve said something stupid, times I’ve failed to understand someone else, acts of arrogance. Also from all suspicions of being unworthy - clumsy, weird, ungainly, ungraceful, uncool, unlovable. Being totally forgiven would mean that any of the things I’ve ever done or been that I have regretted, and also any things I was unaware of but which other people held against me - would have no more weight - no ability to pull me down, no ability to determine anything about who I am and how I will act. Being forgiven means being able to define myself anew, as the beloved of God.
I then thought about what it means to be able to forgive others the same way. It means to let go of anything I’ve held against them - all my annoyance, impatience, indignation, all my feeling that I need to find some way to change them, any hindrance to my simply loving them purely. What a freedom for me! No obligation to judge or hold back my affection to “encourage” better behavior. No need to decide how I’m going to feel about them. The fact that they are forgiven lets me merely love them - so easy! - and see what God has given me to see in the moment of our interaction.
When I was reading the lesson in the jail, the man I was visiting would often be looking down, so I couldn’t see his face. But sometimes he would look up, and sometimes I saw moisture in his eyes. Whether that was from deep feeling or sleepiness, I can’t say. But I had the deep feeling, and still do. I feel deeply loved from the reading of this lesson, miraculously forgiven, and greatly uplifted from the forgiveness of others.
*to read this week’s lesson on the subject of Love, visit a Christian Science Reading Room or see the ebiblelesson at spirituality.com.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Waves
I saw a squirrel running through the back yard a few weeks back. I noticed that it moved in a wave - its tail undulated with the same movement its body made while leaping from front feet to back feet, curling and springing. It was as if it were moving through an invisible standing wave that extended forward and back from its track.
I started thinking about other things that move in waves - herds of animals I’ve seen in videos, snakes (though their wave is sideways), wondering what law of grace it is that makes them move that way, and wondering if humans, with our cross-lateral gait, also move in waves.
Some time later I was swing dancing. I had the opportunity to dance with many different partners, and several of them were quite good dancers. It pleased me that I was able to hang with them, that my skill as a follow was such that I was able to move as one with them, though (in most cases) we had never danced together before. It occurred to me later that it was a kind of a wave function - being enough in tune with the music and the particular way my partner had of holding me and moving, that it was natural to follow in the instant grace with which a wave moves.
Today I saw, on another blog, a video of Stacy Westfall riding her horse with no bridle or saddle. The blog writer, Sandi Justad, http://newcloth.blogspot.com/ talked about how it illustrated oneness of horse and rider, and how this could reflect our oneness with God. I agree with her, and I also saw the action of waves.
My experiences on horseback are few, and for the most part, unsatisfying. I remember my tendency to bounce as soon as the horse started to move any faster than a walk. I’ve found it mystifying how people could stay seated firmly in the saddle. Here, this woman, without even a saddle, was able to move as if she and the horse were one. And I could see the ripple of movement, from the horse’s gait up through her body. that embodied the grace of moving in waves. I felt an echo of love from the time I heard of how the Native Americans rode their horses, not with domination but with mutual understanding and joy. I felt that this young woman was claiming back for us something that we should never have lost.
When I find grace in my interactions with people, it’s when I’ve tuned into the same wavelength with them, so that the smiles and movements flow together as one. I think I get on the same wavelength by loving them - by approaching them with an accepting openness and no particular desire to push an agenda of my own. The wave pattern of their internal atomic clock - well, of their rock-solid identity that reverberates with the harmony of the universe - harmonizes with mine. I find that we really are one. Our love is one, our primal motivating impulse is one, regardless of all the trappings of societal labels or personal lifestyle choices. We are of God. Our being moves in the wave that God impels. Our grace together is not of two separate beings trying to coordinate externally, but it is the harmonic humming of the one tone of being, sending out its infinite waves.
I started thinking about other things that move in waves - herds of animals I’ve seen in videos, snakes (though their wave is sideways), wondering what law of grace it is that makes them move that way, and wondering if humans, with our cross-lateral gait, also move in waves.
Some time later I was swing dancing. I had the opportunity to dance with many different partners, and several of them were quite good dancers. It pleased me that I was able to hang with them, that my skill as a follow was such that I was able to move as one with them, though (in most cases) we had never danced together before. It occurred to me later that it was a kind of a wave function - being enough in tune with the music and the particular way my partner had of holding me and moving, that it was natural to follow in the instant grace with which a wave moves.
Today I saw, on another blog, a video of Stacy Westfall riding her horse with no bridle or saddle. The blog writer, Sandi Justad, http://newcloth.blogspot.com/ talked about how it illustrated oneness of horse and rider, and how this could reflect our oneness with God. I agree with her, and I also saw the action of waves.
My experiences on horseback are few, and for the most part, unsatisfying. I remember my tendency to bounce as soon as the horse started to move any faster than a walk. I’ve found it mystifying how people could stay seated firmly in the saddle. Here, this woman, without even a saddle, was able to move as if she and the horse were one. And I could see the ripple of movement, from the horse’s gait up through her body. that embodied the grace of moving in waves. I felt an echo of love from the time I heard of how the Native Americans rode their horses, not with domination but with mutual understanding and joy. I felt that this young woman was claiming back for us something that we should never have lost.
When I find grace in my interactions with people, it’s when I’ve tuned into the same wavelength with them, so that the smiles and movements flow together as one. I think I get on the same wavelength by loving them - by approaching them with an accepting openness and no particular desire to push an agenda of my own. The wave pattern of their internal atomic clock - well, of their rock-solid identity that reverberates with the harmony of the universe - harmonizes with mine. I find that we really are one. Our love is one, our primal motivating impulse is one, regardless of all the trappings of societal labels or personal lifestyle choices. We are of God. Our being moves in the wave that God impels. Our grace together is not of two separate beings trying to coordinate externally, but it is the harmonic humming of the one tone of being, sending out its infinite waves.
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