I haven’t written in this blog in over five years. In early 2011, I started a poetry blog, which I have been very faithful with and which has fulfilled, for the most part, my creative need. (see http://www.wendymulhern.com/category/poems/) During this time, I’ve published nine books of poetry that are collections from my entries in that blog.
This year, events in my life led me to some astounding revelations. In some ways, they are all one thing; I sometimes find myself calling it The Big Idea. And I feel the need to communicate what I’m seeing. An obvious place to communicate it would be in the Christian Science periodicals. I love the periodicals, and I am trying to write an article for them (I have three drafts in for consideration.) But I guess I haven’t yet figured out how to separate insights from context, and ideas from each other, to meet the required format. I still feel the need to communicate the ideas — hence the resurrection of this blog. I hope I will find readers, and I hope you, my readers, will share comments.
Background
In April of this year, we lost our beautiful daughter, Heather.
The challenge she was facing began in 2015, and launched both her and me on a deep spiritual journey. Speaking for myself, I will say that the effort to find healing led to a tremendous amount of spiritual growth. During the last five weeks of her time with us, I was with her, helping her with physical needs and praying constantly to understand the spiritual truth that would bring about her healing. Of course, we were both expecting her to recover. But here is a secret that it’s hard for me to find words to articulate: I didn’t experience her passing on as a failure. I felt her alive and present in the room, felt that she was experiencing the knowledge of her perfection, and felt myself delivered into a place I only experienced once before: I call it The Allness.
Even as tears flooded through me like sheets of rain, I was aware of the place, and whenever the tears subsided the presence of The Allness was there, like rays of sunshine, no, like a huge canyon of light with a clean wind blowing. And it was absolutely clear to me that this was what is real; that Love is present and everything; that there is no falling out of it, no dying out of it, no failing out of it. That everything I always thought about life was like living in a small bubble, and that this death experience — the very suffering of it, had ripped away the illusion of limitation, of living in a small field of goodness bounded by fear — the fear of falling out of it. That the only purpose of suffering was to rip away the limitations on our concept of good, to show us the allness of it.
This experience is what has sustained me through the journey of grief, and changed my whole sense of what comprises my life. It’s given me a way to go forward after the unthinkable experience of the loss of a child. And as I’ve explored this realm of The Allness, I have started to see the delineation of what I think of as The Big Idea. Which is what I intend to explore in this blog. I hope you’ll join me.
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